The Best Writing Advice I Can Give

It’s Not What You Think

If you’re a writer, then you know writing advice is everywhere. (All you have to do is get on social media.) Some advice is good, some is bad … and sometimes, it can even seem contradictory.

Don’t get me wrong; there are some really good stand-bys: show-don’t-tell, dial back the adverbs, structure is king, kill your darlings. As writers, we should definitely do/not do all those things, and more.

But you know what we should also do, and maybe more than anything else?

Talk to people.

That is the best advice I can give you.

… What?

Humans are ultrasocial creatures. We thrive so much on connection that most social scientists count “human contact” as a biological need. When we’re lonely, our mental and physical health suffers—our blood pressure goes up, we release stress hormones that can damage our brains and bodies, we physically age faster, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

We know this on a primal level. That’s why the stories that really work, that really stick with you are the ones that have characters you can connect with. That’s why we pick up books in the first place: to read about interesting characters doing interesting things.

To create characters who practically walk off the page, you need to understand how people work. To understand how people work, you need to go hang out with people. And the best way to understand them? Talking. Plain and simple.

You don’t have to become a sociologist or therapist or study neuroscience in order to do this. All you have to do is have the conversations you’re already having—with your family, your friends, your coworkers, fellow students, waiter, whatever—but learn how to listen and absorb with the ear of a writer. (While not being creepy about it. We’ll talk about that later.)

Talking To People Helps With Characterization

Nothing will help you develop well-rounded, deep characters—who express themselves in ways that feel natural—faster than chatting it up with your fellow human beings. However, to have your conversations be helpful in your writing, you need to be a little more deliberate with both your listening and what you’re seeing than you usually would.

As you talk, pay attention to the other person’s body language. A lot of communication is nonverbal and processed subconsciously—which can be difficult (but not impossible) to convey in writing. The good news is, the more you watch for it, the more primed your brain will be to a) recognize it, b) remember it during your writing sessions, and c) know where and how to put it into words on the page.

Second, the more you get to know people, the more you learn how people actually operate in real life. Of course, we don’t pick up novels to read about real life; there’s some element of escapism in every story. But when we pick up a book and are deciding whether or not to read it, the question we’re really trying to answer is: do I like this character? (And if not “like,” then do you find this character intriguing enough to continue reading about them?)

Notice what you like—or what intrigues you—about your family, friends, classmates, coworkers, and yes, even the person who delivers your groceries. Everyone is the main character in their own story, even if they don’t think of it in those terms. Watch for those little, unique things people do that are wholly their own. This could be anything from how they style their hair to their go-to phrases.

Now for an important disclaimer: While people-watching is a good skill for a writer to have, please don’t take this to a creepy level. You’re a normal human being whose brain happens to think in stories; you can do this in a way that won’t ruin your social life. Always be more interested in the person you’re talking to than your own internal agenda.

Also, a good general rule of thumb is NOT to put real people in your novels without asking them first. This is all about gathering data for your brain to use in character design. The more you plug in, the deeper and richer characters it’s naturally going to churn out—and they’ll be far better and richer if they’re your creations, not a person you stole from reality.

Talking To Humans Helps With Dialogue

You can study craft all day long (and it will do a lot to help your dialogue, so you definitely should!), but there’s no substitute for talking to people when it comes to … well, learning how people talk. Dialogue is one of the most important tools we have as authors; it’s one of the best ways to show-not-tell in a way that’s natural and engaging. Good dialogue can make you a standout as an author, catching the eye of readers (or agents and editors, if you’re aiming to publish traditionally.)

Every person speaks a little differently. This happens both at a mechanical level (the nuts and bolts of what they say and how), and on a personal level (the underlying motivations, values, and beliefs that influence their words.)

Mechanical things to look out for when observing dialogue include:

●     Which words the person chooses

●     Which words they emphasize and how (do they use inflection? How much? Do they gesture, change their facial expression, or use other body language?)

●     How smoothly they speak (do they seem comfortable talking, or are they nervous?)

●     Their tone of voice

●     How fast they speak and why (are they nervous? Excited? Spooked? Gloomy? Awed?)

Personal things to consider when observing dialogue might include:

●     What they’re excited to talk about

●     What they don’t seem to want to talk about

●     How they fit into conversations (do they take the lead? Do they hover nervously on the edges? How do the people around them react when they speak?)

●     How they speak about the subject matter (What values does that seem to reflect?)

●     Use of profanity (Do they swear? How often and which words?)

The better you know a person, the easier these personal dialogue influences are to study. For example, you may know their religion is hugely influential in their life, which is why they don’t swear much. Or, they may be a passionate advocate for animal rights, which is why they’re thrilled to talk about the local raptor rehabilitation program but hate talking about hunting.

Of course, the person you know the best is yourself (hopefully.) As you start using your writer’s ear to listen to the natural dialogue happening all around you, pay attention to your own thoughts and reactions as well. They can teach you a lot about what goes on inside a person’s head during dialogue.

Again, let me add two caveats here:

1) Don’t be creepy. Please, please don’t be creepy. Also, don’t use specific lines, situations, or people in your books unless you get permission from the person who said those lines or lived those situations.

2) Please don’t turn yourself into a robot doing this. Your writerly, analytical brain needs to stay in its place. If you’re starting to freak out your friends and family, maybe dial it back a little. You’re a human first, writer second.

Talking To Humans Can Help With Plot

There’s no better inspiration for our fiction than real life—and the real lives of the people around us. That said, I want to echo what I’ve said before (third time’s the charm, right?): don’t just take a person or situation and drop it into a story; that’s a good way to get in trouble! Plus, it’s a cop-out. You’re way more creative than that.

Instead, look for overarching concepts, values, motivations, and themes. Though humans are as diverse and beautiful a species as anyone could imagine, we’re remarkably similar to each other. With very few exceptions, we all feel similar emotions, need/want similar things (oxygen, shelter, water, food, safety, comfort, companionship, etc.), and are wary of things that are unfamiliar.

As you interact with people, pay attention to their stories. Remember, if life is a cake, you’re only seeing a very small slice, so don’t pass judgement. But notice the things that crop up in your conversations. Notice what makes people angry, what brings them joy, and what builds or shakes their confidence. The more you notice themes and conflicts in real life, the more data you’ll have to draw on when it’s time to create your own characters. That knowledge will also lead to plots that make sense, and in which the characters—and their motivations—will naturally fit better.

Now that you know how to use your writer brain in daily conversations, get out there and get started! Here’s to creating well-rounded, deep characters who talk like real people.